A letter that should have been posted a while ago…


I have been wanting to post this for the longest time. This is a letter to my ex husband… It did not work between us, we are two such very different people and I do hope that he finds the one that understands his heart.

Dear ex husband

There was a time when we shared our lives as one.
A time when we shared laughs. We shared tears. We shared dreams for the future.

Those were our moments, that was our time.

Now, life has taken a different path. I can’t help but think… how weird life works.
How once a stranger can become someone so important only to become a stranger again.
And now memories shared becomes just that, Memories… memories of a past when we had no idea what the future held.  And we still don’t actually.

But now look at us…

Almost 2 years down the line and all that is left as a reminder of what once was, are our children.


And as we fade further from each other’s lives, we have learned again that heartache is natural. Failed relationships are natural … but through it all we will learn to love and grow again.

We will share our lives, our laughs, tears and dreams with another who accepts us, as we accept them.

And hopefully one day, we will have smiles.

Smiles of silent comfort that we have found happiness. Smiles that understand that this is the way things were meant to be.

 Your ex wife

This year I have learned a little more

I have learned that for every bit of sadness there will always be moments of happiness.

I have learned that the simplest of moments bring the greatest of joys.

I have learned that the hardest goodbye sometimes leads to the best hellos.

I have learned that the crazy chances guide us to unexpected outcomes.

I have learned that the smallest steps leads us to a grandest journey.

I have learned that you have to hold on to your smile everyday because it does get better.



Here is 9 interesting things about number 9 ….

  1.  Important Buddhist rituals usually involve nine monks
  2. In Egyptian mythology, there are nine major gods and goddesses
  3. Before 2006 (when Pluto was officially designated as a non-planet), there were nine planets in the solar system
  4. Nine is strongly associated with the Chinese dragon, a symbol of magic and power
  5. A cat has 9 lives
  6. Beethoven wrote nine symphonies
  7. Golf courses often have nine holes
  8. Bart Simpson has nine spikes of hair (since the second season of The Simpsons)
  9. There are nine members of the Fellowship of the Ring in The Lord of the Rings

But none of these compares to the fact that for the past 9 years… my heart has been filled with an unexplainable love.

Happy 9th birthday to my baby boy…. Mummy loves you forever…..


Now I know…

This is beautiful and rings so true.

I do strive to show my little girl how strong and independent woman are and can be. How we do not need to be afraid of standing on your own. To know and trust that you can depend on yourself if you believe in you, your strengths, your courageousness, and your dreams.

I wish I had known from the beginning that I was born a strong woman.

What a difference it would have made.

I wish I had know that I was born a courageous woman.

I have spent too much of my life cowering.

How many conversations would I have not started, but finished if I had known I possessed a warrior’s heart?

I wish I had know that I was born to take on the world.

I wouldn’t have run from it for so long. Rather I would have run to it and embraced it with open arms.

Now I know.

Sarah Ban Breathnach

Truth be told

I wanted to scrap this idea entirely but I plodded along as I wanted to do this for 100th post…. Thinking of 100 things about me was not as easy as I thought

IT’S LONG….. I will be surprised if even get to the very end.

  1. I do not have a middle name which tends to surprise allot of people.
  2. I cannot stomach Pronutro.
  3. I love Prince Rogers Nelson… even though he had an identity crisis, changed his name and has a better figure and shoe collection than most women I know.
  4. I pull strands of hair from my head when I am deep in thought, stressed or bored. Come to think of I think I do it out of habit now.
  5. I cannot whistle.
  6. I was carried on a door (which doubled up as a stretcher cleverly) when I was in school because I dislocated my knee. Was pretty embarrassing.
  7. I had a real live snake watch me pee in my bathroom…. my brave moment.
  8. My childhood nickname is Speedo.
  9. I get teary eyed for the weirdest arbest shit.
  10. I have two beautiful, incredibly different and NOT very disciplined children…. completely my fault.
  11. Dancing around the house half naked is fun.
  12. My favourite fruit is leeches. We had 2 leechee trees growing in our garden in our childhood home. Absalootely deliciously juicy!!! I am craving now.
  13. I suck my tongue when I am really sleepy or very comfortable.
  14. I really really dislike someone too close to my personal space… It’s creepy. STEP AWAY FROM MY BUBBLE!
  15. I love love luurve sweeping. My obsession with a broom would make you think I was a witch in my previous life.
  16. I eat ice cream from a glass and it has to be warmed in the microwave for 10 seconds. Don’t judge.
  17. I HATE ironing.
  18. Lime flavoured anything.
  19. I burp… allot… and enjoy it.
  20. I love the word FUCK … I like the variation and it is so expressive.
  21. I love to karaoke but I can’t sing for shite.
  22. I was born on a Thursday at 6.06 in the morning. 18 September…. the year is irrelevant.
  23. I enjoy kitchen time. Yes I like to cook.
  24. I have three tattoos. I want more.
  25. I am terrible at Maths and I ended up in a career using numbers and shit. Ironic don’t you think?
  26. Oh! shit balls … I like those words together, and I say it more often than not.
  27. There was this guy that I had a major crush on when I was on campus. I vomited on his jacket. From having waaaaay too much vodka. Not my most charming moment!
  28. I have been through natural childbirth WITHOUT drugs. Talk about bravery!
  29. I have played with lions and cubs.  An incredible experience!
  30. I survive on headache pills.
  31. I don’t enjoy alcohol.
  32. One of my biggest and greatest dreams is having my very own library, with the smell of old and forgotten books.
  33. I have resided to the fact that a book shelf will have to do in this lifetime.
  34. I don’t wear makeup.
  35. I craved alcohol (beer specifically) during my first pregnancy.
  36. I can spend hours in an antique shop.
  37. I have a fear of most flying insects, especially cockroaches.
  38. I roll my eyes allot. I admit it.
  39. I want to die having known my grand-children.
  40. I love the smell of coffee, vanilla and roses.
  41. I am pro-choice.
  42. I hate wearing clothes in general. The bare minimum is good enough for me.
  43. I love musicals.
  44. I enjoy playing board games.
  45. I don’t drink enough water.
  46. I am so obsessed with mythology.
  47. My age is catching up with me. I see more and more wear and tear. Sagging and drooping.
  48. I tend to wear allot of black. I think that’s my favourite colour.
  49. I adore pretty heels, but hardly ever wear them.
  50. Kiss me on my lower back and I’m yours.
  51. Kiss me behind my ear and I’m yours forever.
  52. I have Lupus. Shitty thing to have.
  53. I can dance for hours on end.
  54. I hope to someday visit Athens and sit in the amphitheatre.
  55. Scrabble is my favourite board game.
  56. Both my grandmothers still live. 4 generations of strong woman… awesome yeah?!
  57. I was run over by a car when I was a child.
  58. I often get a giggling fit … I can’t stop myself.
  59. I have no balance. Eye-hand coordination is iffy too.
  60. I have a tendency to memorise the lyrics and notes to songs. My musical/lyrical knowledge base is something to brag about.
  61. I grind my teeth. Too often. Especially at my kids.
  62. I have never completed a rubic cube.
  63. My favourite subject in school was speech and drama.
  64. I sometimes snort when I laugh… loudly too.
  65. When I was 13, I did a modelling shoot for my cousin who was studying photography and took part in a beauty pageant a year later. What the fuck was I thinking! Oh, and I won by the way.
  66. I still have my appendix and tonsils. Actually all internal organs are still intact.
  67. Fancy stuff… that don’t impress me much!
  68. I am a sucker for little surprises.
  69. I talk to myself… often.
  70. I like photography. I am the designated snapper in my family.
  71. I have baked a birthday cake for every year that my children have turned older.
  72. I tend to read out aloud which seems to annoy many people.
  73. I like drive inns. Safe drive inns that is!
  74. I am a terrible liar. My face is the easiest to read. That just sucks piles.
  75. I am pretty easy to get along with.
  76. I like bargain hunting. Cheap skate of note!
  77. The TV has no appeal to me.
  78. My paternal grandfather was the only man I idolised. He was a boxer and he had the funniest and most interesting stories to tell about his younger years. I miss him.
  79. I cannot bake scones no matter how many times I try.
  80. I am not very adventurous with food.
  81. 2ply…. oh yeah baby.
  82. I am a terrible loser when it comes to games.
  83. I avoided all sports in school.
  84. I have an extra tooth growing on my pallet.
  85. I prefer being at home with friends than a night on the town.
  86. I hate the freckles and pigmentation on my face.
  87. I am pretty good at sewing and shit.
  88. There is just something about a man in glasses…hmmm…hmmm…. hmmmm.
  89. I have a VERY high threshold for pain.
  90. My toes have to always be painted. It’s an OCD thing I think.
  91. I prefer sweet to savoury.
  92. I strongly believe dragons existed.
  93. I know what it feels like to be at your lowest.
  94. I can’t live without my Labello (cherry).
  95. I have been deep sea fishing.
  96. I play with my boobies… Often
  97. Handwritten love notes…. I dig that.
  98. I enjoy everything mother earthish.
  99. I like hiking, exploring and being outdoors in general. Must remember to wear a hat though!
  100. I found someone who actually loves and encourages the flawed, broken, crazy me… Just as I am.

And that is 100 things


I want you to know


I look at you, and wonder…. where has it all gone?

Time certainly has not stood still.

You have changed. You have grown. You have matured. But you are still learning.

For the past few days, allot of different thoughts and emotions has been going on in me

Siara, as much as we chat, giggle and fool around with a whole range of topics both silly and serious… I would like you to take note of these… cos I think they are important to remember

that…Being a girl is not an excuse.

Be your own woman. Do not be what they expect you to be. Do not fall prey to the stereotypes that have fallen onto girls. You can do anything that you set your mind to do. Do not sell yourself short. If anyone tells you differently, take it as an opportunity to correct the misconception. Be independent.

that…There will always be someone telling you you’re ‘being selfish’ or ‘doing it wrong’.

As your mother, I will  be there to guide you. But, there will always be someone who will tell you HOW you should be. HOW you should do things. There will always be the HOW. Know that You need learn to go your own way, You need to care more about what you want and how you think you should be doing things and worry less about everyone else. This is hard for me as I am a kinda control freak. But I know that in order to be the best you…. you need to be you and not what everyone else wants you to be

that…You don’t have to have children.

Please please please note … that I would love to have grandkids. And this is not me saying that should not…. But I know that having kids is not for everyone. And that is ok. No one should ever make you feel pressured or not good enough if you don’t want to. Don’t feel pressured to do anything you do not want to.

that…You don’t have to get married.

It is not a requirement in life. You need to first learn to stand on your own two feet, to understand yourself, to know your needs, to know what you want.  And when you find that person that doesn’t define you are but compliments who you are … do what your heart feels right and what brings YOU happiness. Love and Commitment does not come from a piece of paper.

that…Respect yourself.

This is the most important. As you are growing and entering your teenage years, remember this. You have got to have some self-respect. You have got to show yourself that self respect. Learn to stand your ground for what you believe. Don’t let yourself be walked over by people. Don’t be put into compromising situations that you are not comfortable with. And if you are, respect yourself enough to get out of it. No one will respect you more than you respect yourself. So set the bar high!!

These are my words to you, mummy’s not so little girl…