I’ve been having a hard time recently.. a royal balls up to be more precise…
There are days having children seems totally manageable and my attempt to tread lightly around my needs with Lupus seems possible. Today is not that day. This has not been that month either.
It is cold, my chest hurts to breathe and my joints are screaming with pain that makes me want to just stay home. Energy levels are an all-time low, Sores has infested my scalp while the blood clots are almost invisible now. I cannot think clearly. This is not an easy day to be mom. In fact there are many days just like this one.
When the start of a morning begins with me breaking up squabbles, while ploughing through the “simple” task of making sandwiches, and desperately trying to understand everything said to me and frantically trying to remember if I have brushed my hair and teeth and if the dinner menu has been sorted to administering instructions to the kids for the school day and all the while desperately trying to keep it in check through the Lupus brain fog clouding my head while hoping that I took my meds and whether I am able to turn the steering of wheel of the car today, I feel about ready to burst into tears.
But I am mom, so I don’t.
It is difficult keeping it together all of the time… it is harder realising that this is not like a cold where after a week or so, you are back to normal…. Reality is…. This flare could last months… years….
So instead of feeling sorry for myself I’ve decided I need to celebrate the small victories. Because they are achievements, even though they aren’t exciting. They are victories.
- My family has a packed lunchboxes everyday. Edible too.
- The kids have clean clothes to wear to school.
- My kids get safely to school. Sigh of constant relief.
- My family has a home cooked meal to eat every night.
- The kitchen is almost always clean. Almost!
- I’ve been doing a better job of maintaining boundaries and saying no when I can’t do something…. Ok we still getting there on this one
- I am keeping my sanity though sibling rivalry. Barely
After taking stock of my small victories I noticed that there were a few other things that should be remembered
- Remember that it takes courage to get out of bed every day. By fighting back the pain and getting up to face the day, you are a warrior.
- Remember that even a small victory is progress you have made. Keep fighting.
- If you are feeling discouraged make a list of all the things you did that was hard to accomplish. You will notice that you are accomplishing more than you think.
- Remember to focus on what you have done right, not what you have done wrong.
- Remember that every day is a new battle when you have a chronic illness, so don’t get down on yourself if things don’t go the way you planned.
- Remember that all the flaws on the outside does not determine your beauty and strength inside.